The Ritual

My fingers rest calmly in my lap
My legs are in half lotus, and comfortable
My eyes are barely open, yet they see
My back is stretched to its fullest
My tongue is silenced for once
My seating is surrounded by little candles
A bottle of water is not too far away
I will need it when I return
I ready my mind to leave
To where there is no food
No water
No cold
No warmth
No sleep
No anything
Calming myself, I drift inside it...

Inside
I start feeling at one with myself
All my sanses are unified into one me
I feel no loneliness
I am at constant peace
My feet feels as if I am sitting on foam
A perfect pillow
Enlightenment is my only illumination
Colours I've never seen are now everywhere
My physical hungers are fed with flashes
The days pass, my thoughts are my only company
They take time to entertain me
Showing me experiences I'd forgotten
Everywhere I meet a new part of me
Like slides my memories
I laugh, but not aloud
I cry, but of joy
I smile, but not with my lips
I am smiling at what I am about to do
What I came here for
My mission
When this is over I will have another part of me
One I must learn to use
Now
Here
Inside
I will build...
The components of my weapon are gathered
I study them
Touch them to know every corner
Understanding them
Enfolding them
My mind moves as invisible hands
Lifting the parts inside my mind
Starting to join the components
I bind them together
I shape their forms
Making them melt together
Molding them into the shape I desire
They mesh together
They function together
Like branches they grow together
The components gather from dozens into one
Forever another part comes to fit its rightful place
And then another comes, and another.
They unify into one
Their numbers decrease
When this is done
The number will only be one
Until the components are one
Until the components is one
Until it is one
Making what was once a gathering of clumsy components
Into something organic, natural
Forever perfecting the weapon with my mind
Leaving behind what is only in the way
My mind cleans the surfaces of it
It removes the unwanted parts
The parts I don't need
It burns what is not needed
Making it perfect
Making it mine, making it me
Making it not an extension of my body
Making it as much a part of me
As any limb I own
I stroke the sides, feeling the metallic sensation
My work is soon over
Soon perfection is in my grasp
Creating it as a symbol of my power
A whole new part of me, a part for too long not discovered
A part I can't exist without
A part I will never abandon
The part that will keep me alive
Whenever dark times arise
Whatever their numbers may be
They will perish again as quickly
At the sight of this part of me
Now I will install my last component into the perfect weapon
It is complete
Still my eyes cannot see it yet
Yet my hands can't feel it
I feel it with my mind, knowing it to be succesful
I return to life.

I fall back over, hard
My eyes are blinded by the light
My mouth is as dry as it could be
My clothes are sweaty and drenched cold
My body stinks and aches from the strain
My chest is rising and dropping quickly to catch a breath
I can hardly breathe
My back hurts
A small beard has grown on my chin
I move my one hand over my body to try to wake my senses
I can't feel anything
I am still blind
For a moment I panic
I have been gone for nearly a month
I slowly accept the uncomfortable feeling
Accepting it as a consequence of my mission
The room is cold and outside it is a new season
The candles around have been dead for a long time
The bottle of water has dust on it
The world has worked without me
Forgotten me while I worked
Forever slowly and for some hours my senses return
I can see
I can breathe
I feel my body again
And I feel its new addition
Resting calmly and perfect in the palm of my hand
I smile
I have succeeded...

...Skar Kjoil

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